Okay folks. If you're reading this I've obviously pressed publish.
You've maybe noticed that I haven't been around much lately. I've been tootling along at the allotment and getting on with some bits and bobs but truth is it's been a bit rough of late. Physically we are all well and I thanks our lucky stars every day for that. But emotionally it's been a bit tough. In March I was told I had lost my beloved teaching job alongside six others at our school through some drastic financial cuts. I still have to teach until the end of term, so the whole affair is like pulling a plaster off very, very slowly. Of course we also lost our lovely Jessie a few months ago and although time is healing matters it still comes back and thumps you in the stomach sometimes. And although mum is now on the up we have had twelve months of scans, specialists and appointments to get her to this point.
But - and I have thought long and hard about whether I should share this - I also suffer from a ridiculous phobia. For many years now I have been unable to stay anywhere overnight. I feel an absolute fear if I am not able to go somewhere and get back the same day. This fear has now developed further and I find the idea of travelling any distance by train absolutely terrifying. I have tried to reason it so many times in my head but the fact is that these things - however strange they might appear - now act as a trigger for a huge amount of anxiety. Fortunately my life isn't dominated by these issues and my family are wonderfully supportive. However I have an event coming up in eight weeks - (that's right - eight weeks!) - that I can't possibly miss and it involves a two and a half hour train journey each way. Already I am feeling the anxiety kick in. I desperately want to enjoy this event and was just wondering if any of you have ever suffered something similar - and if so have you tried anything to help?
So there it is. A bit of a serious post but knowing how lovely you all are I feel sure that you will be able to offer some wise words.
And if you've stuck with it and managed to read this far - thank you.
Jane
xxx
