Monday 1 June 2015

A bit of a serious one.

Okay folks. If you're reading this I've obviously pressed publish.

 You've maybe noticed that I haven't been around much lately. I've been tootling along at the allotment and getting on with some bits and bobs but truth is it's been a bit rough of late. Physically we are all well and I thanks our lucky stars every day for that. But emotionally it's been a bit tough. In March I was told I had lost my beloved teaching job alongside six others at our school through some drastic financial cuts. I still have to teach until the end of term, so the whole affair is like pulling a plaster off very, very slowly. Of course we also lost our lovely Jessie a few months ago and although time is healing matters it still comes back and thumps you in the stomach sometimes. And although mum is now on the up we have had twelve months of scans, specialists and appointments to get her to this point.

But - and I have thought long and hard about whether I should share this - I also suffer from a ridiculous phobia. For many years now I have been unable to stay anywhere overnight. I feel an absolute fear if I am not able to go somewhere and get back the same day. This fear has now developed further and I find the idea of travelling any distance by train absolutely terrifying. I have tried to reason it so many times in my head but the fact is that these things - however strange they might appear - now act as a trigger for a huge amount of anxiety. Fortunately my life isn't dominated by these issues and my family are wonderfully supportive. However I have an event coming up in eight weeks - (that's right - eight weeks!) - that I can't possibly miss and it involves a two and a half hour train journey each way. Already I am feeling the anxiety kick in. I desperately want to enjoy this event and was just wondering if any of you have ever suffered something similar - and if so have you tried anything to help?

So there it is. A bit of a serious post but knowing how lovely you all are I feel sure that you will be able to offer some wise words.

And if you've stuck with it and managed to read this far - thank you.


Jane
xxx

32 comments :

  1. Hi, you don't know me but I just came over from Musing With Max. I have have/had some travel anxiety issues and after an intensive bout of therapy my doctor suggested I try Xanax. I took the smallest dose and was able to fly away, literally. I could function, and remained Alert and got where I needed to go.
    I think it would work equally well for your fear. Depending on the length of the train/plane ride my doctor suggested one every 3 hours.i know I'm offering up a chemical solution but kit works. Good luck. Jane

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  2. Hi Jane
    Sorry to hear you are feeling low, I can empathasize to some degree. I lost my mum (after a year of hospital appointments) and my job within six months a few years ago and last week I said goodbye to my beloved Prue. As for your phobias, I haven't experienced anything similar but I do feel anxious if I have lots of errands to do. For instance, I am going on holiday in a few weeks and had to arrange payment, Green Card, Euro breakdown cover, get the car serviced, buy a few provisions, etc etc and was beginning to feel a bit panicky which some people might find ridiculous. Now I have done all these things it has eased. Have you thought of having some sort of therapy or counselling? I've heard hypnotherapy is effective. I hope you find a solution but in the meantime spending time at the allotment is good for you, it's so peaceful and relaxing I found. x

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  3. Oops...that would be 'empathize' of course.
    x

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  4. Dear Jane
    Phobias are never ridiculous - just irrational fears. I suffer from a phobia too, but am lucky that it doesn't affect my day to day life. Although I don't have any magic cures, when you start to feel anxious, try deep breathing - breathe in for the count of three and out for the count of six (saying one Mississippi, or one elephant may help). It may help to make you feel a little more calm. It does work for me in stressful situations.
    Best wishes
    Ellie

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  5. Oh dear, you are having a rough time Jane. I used to suffer from huge stress through my job, and would get to a bad panic stage. Often it would be building up slowly and I was feeling anxious and unsettled, but didn't stop to think about it. When I finally realized the panic was building, I would stop and ask myself what exactly was making me anxious. I could usually pinpoint the causes (deadlines usually), and would deal with that issue immediately. Although I don't think it was a phobia. Your head can play some nasty tricks with you. If this anxiety over travelling is interfering with your happiness, maybe a professional can help you out? I hope you can resolve it so that you are happy again. You've been through a lot. When my mother passed away and I was still dealing with my father and his new dementia and clearing and selling their home ... well, let's just say "worse time of my life" ... and I ended up in hospital with severe chest pains. Turned out not a heart attack, but stress. So be careful and be calm and go slow. Hugs to you,
    Wendy xox

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  6. I thought of my friend Jane when reading this post since she was able to travel after a long hiatus due to fear. She kicked it well and faced it head on. I see she is your first comment today, I hope her advise helps you. This is probably going to sound absolutely ridiculous but maybe the fact that you've shared it with the world will alleviate it, as in finally getting something off your chest. I wish you the best. You have a lot of support out here.

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  7. I did write a long post with more specific information about me but was too anxious to post it!

    It probably isn't very helpful out of context but my problems don't sound dissimilar to yours. I like to use flower essences which I do find very useful (used them on my cat too and his behaviour changed completely, so I was able to put him in a carrier, take him to the vet and sit in the waiting room, all of which used to upset him terribly). Anyway, the ones I use are Aspen for unknown fears - when you just feel a sense of foreboding but don't necessarily know why, and Mimulus, which is for known fears. I find there are elements of the known and the unknown in my fears so I take them together. I get them in little bottles rather than the larger ones (I tend to find the smaller ones in independent shops or Neal's Yard) and they cost under £4 each. I do find that this helps me a lot. I would take a couple of days before the journey itself but also now, if you are stressing about it in advance. Not for everyone I know and not at all scientific. However, they do help me.

    Also, I do recommend the book 'Feel the fear and do it anyway'. (Susan Jeffers). An oldie but goodie. I also like her books Embracing Uncertainty (about facing the unknown) and End the Struggle and Dance with Life. Most of what we fear doesn't happen. Really. Also if the worst happens then we can and will deal with it. We do just that every day. Often confronting our fears means they fall away. We can't and don't have to control everything. Sometimes easier said than done I know. I also have some meditation/relaxation stuff under my belt. I worry about lots of things and this leads to too much anxiety sometimes. Travel away from home is a specific area which I know can affect me badly.

    I know you will be able to do this, and when you do, it will help you for another time as well as be empowering. Good luck!

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  8. Two things that might help: I've found acupuncture wonderful for anxiety. Also meds. I used to be very anti-meds but they have helped my own anxiety / depression no end. You could start by trying kalms or bachs herbal remedy first though. If you go the meds route start soon ao they have kicked in well and truly by the time the trip is upon you. Anxiety is horrible and unfortnately can really spill into lots of areas as you are finding. I had 'driving anxiety' for years but no more thanks to meds! X

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  9. I experienced my first ever anxiety/panic attack while getting a root canal two years ago. Don't ever apologize for feeling the way you feel. It is very real. I went on medication and it definitely helps but I still have times when anxiety comes out of nowhere and I feel panic start to set it in. Unfortunately, once your body learns to panic, it can go into panic mode pretty easily. I've learned to talk to myself, either out loud or in my head, in a loving yet stern way. I ask myself why I think I'm starting to panic and am I in control of my environment and do I feel safe. I am my own best comfort when I feel anxiety. I've read that peri-menopause can bring anxiety on when you've never had it before. I don't know how old you are but I'm 48 and never had any problems with this until 46. I also keep track on the calendar when I feel most vulnerable to irrational thoughts and it's almost always during that week before my period. Xanax has helped several of my friends get thru things but the thought of taking it makes me think it would makes things worse because I wouldn't feel in control. That's probably an irrational thought though. Lol!!! Could you travel with someone that makes you feel safe and secure? That might help. Maybe try a Xanax before your trip to see how it effects you. Please know that you are not alone in how you feel. You've suffered a lot of loss and life changing events recently. Things that you had no control over. That could be a big part of this. xo

    ~ Wendy
    http://Crickleberrycottage.blogspot.com/

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  10. Although I don't have anxiety issues myself I have supported loved ones, I think in times of change and stress, both of which you've been experiencing, anxieties can be more pronounced. I suppose it's like you're wanting to control what you can, as so much isn't within your control? I think CBT and hypnosis can be effective but have you thought about meditation? This is perhaps a long term thing, but it's great for relaxation and very empowering. I'm sorry things are all muddled at the moment, you'll find you way out of this I'm sure Jane...big hug :) xxx

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  11. Hugs to you, Jane. I don't have advice but please know I'm thinking about you and hoping everything turns out okay.

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  12. Oh Jane I do feel for you believe me. I also get anxious about things and prefer to shy away from things if I am out of my comfort zone, but there are times when I have to do things. I become Mr Hyde during those times and not the usual calm and happy self. I do tend to 'act', smile and then just count the time down to get back home, but I'm not me. My Mum became extremely anxious when she was younger and ended up on medication and has only just started going on coach journeys which I happily join in. She now swears by taking Calms and planning each part of the journey so everything is in 'boxes' e.g. me picking her up, the journey to the bus station, the coach journey there, what we will do when we are there, where the toilets are etc etc. Maybe if you do this so each achievement is ticked off and you can then visually see the positive things you have managed to get through the day, it will make it more bearable - it's working for Mumsy. You take care my friend xx

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  13. I suffer with panic attacks and really do not like travelling.I have IBS and my panics are usually about lack of toilets.We have a "bog in a bag" in both cars.I have never used them but they are there for back up.I am also on a small dose of Citalopran which helps enormously (as does a large glass of wine!)Don't think you are on your own with this.What is it that you think will happen on a journey or if you stay away?Can you itemise your thoughts and tackle each one..Think how proud of yourself you will be if you do the journey.Good luck and keep us posted.

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  14. Jane, I'm sorry to hear you have this anxiety, I don't have any advice but I hope you find a way to enjoy this journey. Take care
    Caz xx

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  15. What a combination of events! I have no useful advice for your travel anxiety, but I can empathise with the situation. Hope you get sorted with a new role in September. What are you thinking of doing? Will you do supply? Take a sabbatical? Find an alternate career? What ever, I hope you find the guidance and direction that is best for you. Sometimes things happen for no reason that have a great impact on us for the better, which we wouldn't have thought would be the result.

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  16. I don't have any specific advice, but my thoughts are with you and I am sending massive virtual hugs. What I can say is that a lot of people suffer from anxiety problems about all kinds of things, so know that you are not alone in this. I don't know how bad it is, but I am guessing that it is very bad, so can I suggest a visit to your GP to see if they can help in any way. There is certainly nothing wrong in talking about it and sharing. I don't suppose that we can do much from a distance, but know that we are all here to support you and if we can do anything all you have to do is ask. They say that acknowledging a problem is the first step, and you have done that out loud so I hope that the rest of the steps will come a little more easily. Whatever happens I hope that you will be happy and that things will work out for you job wise. Hugs and love xxxx

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  17. Like Anonymous said, I've used the Bach flower remedies in the past and they do work. Also when I started taking St Johns Wort I found it lifted me out of myself if that makes sense. It takes a while to kick in. Now I'm on 'proper' meds and have had the easiest few years emotionally since taking them.

    It seems there's a lot of us feeling in a slump at the moment. Good luck with your decisions and I hope you feel better soon. Don't let fear hold you back. x

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  18. Phobias are real and cause so much anguish but now that you have shared yours I really hope that it will help you and you can make your journey with some ease.
    My phobia is dead birds, I can't pass one on the pavement and I freak out if there is one lying on the patio and I have to leave the curtains drawn until my husband comes home. Sharing this makes me think I'm ridiculous especially as if I see a spider appear in the bath I can pick it up in my hand, talk to it and find it a new home in the garden.

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  19. I have no good advice to offer but hope that you can find something that works from all the wonderful suggestions offered by the other lovely bloggers. I do hope you manage to overcome your fear and get to the event and enjoy it. M x

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  20. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I hate travelling by train & have never travelled on one by myself, it's something that thankfully I rarely have to do. Is there anyone who could take the journey with you or even a couple of practise runs before your actual trip. I hope you are able to sort it. x

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  21. Jane, it seems to me that lots of means of traveling anywhere these days are not all that pleasant. All the same, I am sorry to read of what you are describing as a phobia. I think that the prior comments contain good advice, and certainly do send along my own best wishes that you will find the suggestions helpful.

    i do think that writing this post could be a very large first step. xo

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  22. I would suggest taking really baby steps. Start by just going to the station and coming home again and giving yourself a little treat for doing so. You can move on to staying a bit longer:buying a paper or a magazine, eventually sitting down for a coffee. After a couple of weeks try just going one stop and coming back again. Just tiny steps but all focussing on making the unfamiliar feel ordinary. I am sure you can do it and congratulations on your bravery in writing this blog in the first place!

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  23. I can really sympathise with you Jane. I went through years being terrified of leaving the house on my own and supermarkets left me in shreds. For me it was part of my fibromyalgia but I watched my mum go through exactly the same thing and it was totally crippling her. I know it's a hard decision to make to go down the medication route but I think it's well worth considering. I started on effexor and it changed my life. This last year alone I've even found myself driving two hours to Dublin and back on my own. Totally unheard of two years ago. Even a visit to the doctor for a chat might help. I hippie that this helps you a little. If you ever need to chat you know where to get me.
    Rosie

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  24. Oh Jane sweetie, so sorry to hear this from you, and how brave to admit it to the world, well done you.
    I hope all these lovely comments on here will make you feel better about it all.
    Life has so many ups and downs as we get older, and sometimes our body and souls just cant cope and find all sorts of ways to ask for help.
    Remember to be very kind to yourself you are an amazing and funny and strong lady. I hope you can find the strength to get through this and wish you love and laughter to come out smiling,
    would love to meet up again with you one day,
    all my love ashley aka daisy j xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    ps I just sat down to read this!!

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  25. Dear Jane - please don't be 'ashamed' of your fear and you are SO brave for sharing this. I really think that with an anxiety like this the first thing you should do is take a trip to the doctor or, if you are not keen on prescriptions, maybe a good local homeopath? I had a spell in hospital some years ago and it ended up being therapy with a homeopath recommended to me by a friend rather than my doctor (who is normally great) who helped me to deal with the issue. I think that talking about it to somebody who is equipped to deal with it is the first step. And then, if the 8 weeks come to pass and you still can't get on the train then don't force yourself to; if you were ill you couldn't go on the trip could you? With anything like this, it's taken a long time coming and will also take a long time to get over so don't worry if you don't do it in the time you've set yourself - that may just add to the stress. I have two phobias - a terrible fear of spiders - embarrassingly bad - I can't even look at them on TV. All of my family know and protect me from them but I know how embarrassed I feel telling other people about it as I think they will think I'm silly. I also have a really weird one which even my family aren't aware of because it's such a stupid one, however I've been on the internet and found out that other people suffer from it too. So maybe some internet research into your fear will help to normalise it? What ever happens, our thoughts will be with you. All the best, Judy.

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  26. I'm late to this, and you already have so much good advice here, so I will add nothing other than my hope that all these lovely comments will help you find a way to deal with your fears, and that the life leadsyou on to new and better things x

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  27. I'm sorry I've only just managed to comment on this... I read it when you published, bookmarked it so I could re-read and comment when I was not so tired and then have been so busy, I've let my bookmarks build up and got a bit behind.

    I'm really sorry to hear you've lost your job :( what a difficult time this must be, are you applying for other teaching jobs?

    I don't think your phobia is silly at all! Though I'm never right so coming from me, that's not really a cosolation haha! I don't like public transport at all (I've never really used it) and although I am ok with staying away I do have serious issues with cleanliness, personal space and the like which does limit me somewhat. I'm terrible with social situations and have OCD!

    To give you a laugh, shall I tell you my irrational fear?


    Alien abduction!

    I'm absolutely petrified of being abducted by something that might not even be out there. I mean a paralysing fear. I can't go out along at night at all, not even a wander in the garden and sometimes I make Dave take me to the toilet in the night, just in case there's an alien lurking in the house! Oh the ridicule I get from my family for it! I've always had that fear, ever since I was little, so they say I must have deeply recessed memories from being abducted, which just makes it worse, haha!

    Hope that gave you something to smile about!

    I hope everything works out on the job front for you... often something good will come out of something bad so who knows what's around the corner?

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  28. My sister recently told me that when she has her annual holiday to I.O.W each year, she has to have a diazepam tablet prescribed by her GP. This tablet enables her to travel without getting panicked. I wouldn't advocate this type of thing on a regular basis but it might be helpful as a one off?

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  29. I'm very sorry to hear about your job. It's a horrible feeling - it's happened to me in the past too. Now that I'm older, I don't think I could cope with trying to get another job if I lost my current one. About your phobia - maybe you should go and see your doctor about getting something to help you through this special day. There are also herbal remedies available for anxiety. You could try them beforehand to make sure they work for you.

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  30. Hi Jane, sorry to be so late commenting and perhaps someone has already suggested it but what about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? It may be worth looking into. Hope you find something that helps xx

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  31. It's wonderful your infos. Thank you very much

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I love to read your comments - they are appreciated sooooo much. Thanks for making my day xxx